More About Friendship

My therapist reminded me that friendships take effort, like dating. Of course I knew this, but I needed it said to me. She challenged me to take one step with someone I think could be a friend before our next session. Because I'm Type A, and so scared about the mess my life is right now, I may have gone overboard.

I have a lunch date today with two colleagues that I've hung out with a few times in the past. They are both friends, and maybe they could become close friends if I let them. I want to try. None of the three of us is good socially (which is maybe why we ended up together at all). I don't know how to get from the sort of Level 1 friendship we have now to the Level 2 or 3 friendship I would like to have.

I have a frozen yogurt date tomorrow evening with someone from the game group. This one is probably a dead end and I'm already a little disappointed about that. But I'm going to meet him anyway and hear what he has to say. Maybe I'll be surprised.

I have a coffee date with the wife of another person in the game group. I've always admired her, but since she doesn't usually play games with us I haven't had the chance to get to know her. I think I'd like to know her better, hence I asked her to coffee and we'll see.

That's the short list of potential friends I came up with. I'm searching for other activities that would allow me to meet new people. A book club? A choir? Volunteering somewhere? I know once classes start, I won't have a lot of free time or energy for these things. An added challenge is covid-19; our county just moved into a high risk category again, masks are required on campus again starting today. But all I can do is keep trying, right?

Meanwhile, a person I once thought of as a friend continues to act in ways I cannot accept. I have been trying to understand and looking for a way to reconcile this person's actions with their statements of friendship to me, but after this latest episode I just can't do it. There's too much other pain going on for me to deal with this person's bullshit. I've told the person to leave me alone. Maybe at some point I'll be ready to hear their explanation and possibly I'll be open to something like friendship again, but that time is not now.